Yesterday Ant hit his sister and blamed it on his brother. For some reason the hitting didn’t bug me as much as the LYING did. He was sent to his room as a consequence and proceeded to throw a screaming tantrum as he stomped up the stairs. I became very concerned as this behavior has been more prevalent for him lately. Usually, I react and add five or ten more minutes to his time out or ground him from playing Playstation, but yesterday I was blessed with the inspiration to do something different. Something I didn’t know I had the skills to do–psychotherapy.

After I took a few minutes to calm myself down, I went into his room and invited Ant to come sit by me and lay his head in my lap as I stroked my fingers through his hair and scratched his back. I told him I noticed hiis frustration, and asked him what I could do to help him be happy. After some thought, he said he wants an older brother.

What could an older brother do to make you happy? (Do some jobs.)

Do you feel overwhelmed, like you have too many jobs to do? (yes, besides his one daily job, I ask him to help me with a lot of other tasks to help out.)

[lightbulb] Oh. I guess I do. Maybe I do it because you always do a good job and I can count on you, but I should start asking your brother and sister [and your daddy] to help out more, huh. (Yeah)

I’ll do that. But what about the hitting. What makes you want to hit your brother & sister? (They bug him.)

How do they bug you? (They get in his face when he’s trying to concentrate on a show or a game and he gets so mad that he hits them, and then HE gets in trouble when THEY started it. They never get in trouble.)

Yes, I do usually see the end result when they scream because they’re hurt.  Is there something we can do so you can alert me to watch their behavior that’s making you angry? Something that isn’t tattling or whining, but something that will help me catch them "in the act" before you are angry enough to hit them? Maybe a code word like "stinky feet". You can just yell out "stinky feet" and I’ll come observe and help them stop their buggy behavior. What do you think? (How about "monkey tail".)

OK, "monkey tail" is the code word.  We will start using the code word plan, and I’ll train Bud and Cutie how to do extra tasks so they can help out like you have. Anything else you want to talk about? (Yeah…)

I’ll spare you the rest of our talk, but afterwards, Ant and I went back downstairs together and had a relatively peaceful evening with the rest of the family. He said "monkey tail" so I could see that Cutie was whining to get the ball he was holding (I encouraged her to find another toy that wasn’t being used).  I did ask Ant to help me wash the potatoes for dinner, but then Bud helped me make brownies, and dh cleaned up the dinner dishes.

I don’t know if this is the best solution to our little problems, but I think Ant felt like I was listening to him, and that I love him, and that he is a very important part of our family. But, he can keep wishing for an older brother–I wished for an older brother too (just so I could date his friends).

My mind is blank.

I’m tired.

I could write about how Cutie has become attached to my hip since a bird bumped into a second-story window in our great room yesterday afternoon. This is the third time this year that a bird has tried to fly through it. Cutie saw the action yesterday and was so scared that she ran and clung to me and would not let go as I prepared dinner. Her chair at the dinner table had to be touching mine while we ate. She panicked when she couldn’t find me as I dared to shut the bathroom door. I was able to peel her off me so I could go to a girl’s-night-out, but when I came home, she was back. She slept in my lap as I checked the blogs but cried desperately when I tried to put her in bed. I held her on the couch and then she was content to sleep there long enough for me to get ready for bed. Then she came in bed with me and had to be touching me to feel safe enough to fall asleep. If I tried to scoot over, she would grab me like I was her life preserver.

I’m tired.

Stephanie did this hilarious post today about needs. She stole the idea from Natalie who got it from who-knows-where. Anyway, here’s the rules: Go to Google and type your name and then the word needs (in my case, it’s "Brooke needs")  then just list the results. Hopefully it will be funny.

Brooke needs to butt out. (I am too nosey…)

Brooke needs more air time. (Only if it’s about something positive.)

Brooke needs to cry and scream, and then we can all get on with our lives. (It happens about once a month.)

Brooke needs to realize that being a **** won’t get her everywhere. (HEY, but it will get me somewhere.)

Brooke needs a new ipod. (I don’t even have an old one.)

Brooke needs a little extra something. (Yes, I do, thank you.)

Brooke needs blood. (Is that why I’m so tired?)

Brooke needs to discover what is going on and who the killer is. (Sad story here.)

Brooke needs to get therapy!!! (Been there, done that.)

Brooke needs to be held responsible for what she’s done in the past. (OK, OK, it was ME!)

Brooke needs advice. (Just pick a subject and go with it.)

Brooke needs to pose so as not to emphasize her jaw. (I was trying to de-emphasize my nose.)

Brooke needs to lose 15 pounds. (I though it was more like 8 pounds, but, OK.)

Brooke needs polishing. (Or waxing.)

Brooke needs to be willing to take on a leading role. (Watch out, kiddos)

Well, this was enlightening.  Let me know if you choose to play.

Here’s a little story about my great-great grandmother, Henrietta. Someone along her line wrote the story and I assume it was distributed at a family reunion several years ago.

Henrietta was born in Sweden in 1845 into a faithful and devoted Lutheran family.  In her teenage years, Henrietta began going to church meetings held by missionaries of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints–which was against the wishes of her father. She was at one of those meetings when her father showed up with a gun in his hands and he took her to the river side and threatened to kill her (probably just trying to frighten her) if she wouldn’t give up her "new religion." She told him to go ahead and shoot, that she won’t give it up.

After that, Henrietta’s father locked her in a room for three months to keep her from attending the missionary meetings. He was forced to release her after she became sick, but then he took her to a town forty miles away (where there were no missionaries) to live with her sister. She walked back so she could again attend the meetings.

When Henrietta was 16, she left her family and country and traveled to the United States to Salt Lake City. It was after she arrived in SLC that she was baptized a member of the church.

In the 1860s, some of the LDS members were practicing polygamy. Henrietta agreed to become the second wife to a man named Thomas. While they were away to be married, Thomas’s first wife became ill and died. So when they returned, Henrietta (19 years old) immediately took the responsibility of caring for Thomas’s five small boys. They were blessed with eight more children. All of these children grew to adulthood, except for the youngest who only lived seven months (over six months longer than his mother).

Before Henrietta died, she was able to contact her mother in Sweden through letters. Her father had passed away earlier, but her mother told her that he had wished to see her again and that he regretted treating her so harshly.

Personally, I can understand Henrietta’s father’s reaction, although it was extreme. He was sincerely worried for the salvation of his daughter’s soul. Henrietta was probably a bit like me, though, and would not be forced into compliance. So, I am now reaping the blessings of her choices made 150 years ago. I’m grateful for her pioneering spirit.

Here are my kids tonight exhibiting a bit of that pioneer spirit. In the wagon with Cutie, we packed a bucket of wheat, a jug of water, a rake, and a chair. Oh, and the kids each chose one toy to go on the trek with them. It lasted only ten minutes, but the children were so exhausted, they actually listened to the story about my great-great grandmother Henrietta.

The pizza was a hit! I ordered a BBQ Chicken pizza from a local place and loooved it. When dh left to take the missionaries to their evening appointments, his old 1980s Mercedes wouldn’t start–again.  It was just in the shop two weeks ago! Dh has been riding his scooter all over, so we didn’t realize the car wasn’t fixed. It was so embarrassing that he had to transport the missionaries in my van that I didn’t clean out since coming back from Utah on Tuesday. That’ll be my Tackle-It project today.

Saturday I woke up early and pulled all the weeds in my neglected garden. The tomatoes should be ready in a few weeks. Our plums should be ready at that time too. I can’t wait for our peaches to be ready in September. After weeding, I had some extra energy and decided to shampoo the carpet on the stairs and in the kids’ rooms with the cleaner I got at a garage sale for $7 last month. It works very well. We skipped our local pioneer celebration because we didn’t want to be out in the 100+ degree heat. We will have our own little celebration tonight for our Family Home Evening. We will take the kids’ wagon in the backyard and pretend we will have to leave our home, load up the wagon with essential items, and have the kids push and pull the wagon across the grass of our 1/4 acre lot. Then we’ll imagine what it would be like to do it for months up and down mountains, across rivers, in all types of weather, while losing family members along the way.  I have some Mormon pioneer heritage on my dad’s side of the family. I need to review their stories so I can share them with the kids. Oh, and, there’s an idea for tonight’s post!

(Image by nogeeksplsdorann) We took the kids to the rodeo (at an indoor stadium, thankfully) Saturday night. The kids were looking forward to the bulls, which came last in the rodeo line-up. Bud fell asleep shortly before they began, but we woke him up so he wouldn’t miss it. He was disappointed that Blueberry (a bull he saw on TV about a year ago) didn’t make an appearance. I was disappointed that none of the bull-riders stayed on long enough to qualify. Oh, well, I couldn’t do it either. Other than that, we had a great time. Cutie clapped her hands and cheered on the cowboys. Ant enjoyed his giant snowcone. We all got to stay up way past our bedtimes.

Sunday morning at church, the speaker was guy who just returned from his mission in Dallas (spanish speaking). He’s definitely a candidate for my sister Heidi–cute and spiritual. Some high-school boys sang a song about being ready when they are called to serve. The harmony was right on and the message was powerful. I am amazed at how a lot of the youth today can stay true to their values amidst all the temptations around them. There is hope in the future.

After church dh and the kids fell asleep while watching the World Series of Pop Culture. I was too interested in the show to fall asleep, but after it was over, I went into my room and napped. Aaahhh. I needed that.

So, tonight, I’ll be sure to take pictures of our pioneer trek across the yard and share some family history stories in honor of Pioneer Day. Hope you have a happy one!

Friday night we will be having the missionaries over for a pizza dinner. After they leave, I’ll probably watch a movie while dh plays World of Warcraft on the computer. 

It’s going to get over 100 degrees on Saturday, but I need to work in the vegetable garden (tomatoes and peppers) and check on the fruit trees (yellow plum, peach, and apple). Maybe we’ll get out the Slip-n-Slide to cool down. My brother-in-law was kind enough to give us some tickets to a rodeo Saturday night so we are taking the ABC kids–Yeeeee Haaaaw!

Sunday we have church bright and early. Dh is the secretary of the Sunday School and also works in the church library. I’ve recently been released as the ward Primary (kids’ group) secretary, but they still need my help this week since no one has been placed in that position yet. I’m looking forward to attending Relief Society (women’s group) again next Sunday. After church, everyone in the family takes a nap or has a long quiet time. I can’t wait. I’m falling asleep just thinking about it…..

What are you doing this weekend? Do you and your hubs have a hot date planned? Are you going out to eat? Are you throwing a party? Do you get to go out of town? Are you just going to take it easy? Do you have a list of projects to do in the yard? Are you going to rent or go see some movies?

Here’s something a little different, a little more personal. I had my heart broken one time. I dated this boy a few times before I left to be a missionary. He had recently returned from his mission and I was impressed by his spirituality (seriously) and his fine-ness. I was so excited when he began to write letters to me, and I let myself fall in love as I read between the lines. When I completed the mission, I was looking forward to our my future, only to find out that he had just started dating (two weeks prior) someone else. I thought they couldn’t be serious yet and proceeded with my plans of wooing him getting to know him better. We did go out several more times and I fell deeper in love (we hadn’t even kissed!), but I could tell his heart wasn’t mine. I let him go—they were engaged a month later—I was devastated. This experience affected me tremendously. I asked myself how could I be so stupid, how was I not good enough, what if this, and if only that. It took a very long time for me to get over the heartache. I wrote a partial song about it. I can’t believe how therapeutic it was to let those feelings leave my body and leap onto that paper. Since then, I have not looked back at the situation with any sort of longing or what-ifs, it’s now just an experience from which I have learned.

It was the first and last time my heart was broken.
He was so confused.
It was between me and her,
And he couldn’t choose.
Sting told me: If you love him, set him free,
He will come back to you if it was meant to be.
So I put it to the test,
And made a mess.
Oh, how my heart ached!
If only I held on to him,
Fought for him.

Oh, God, give me the strength to dry my tears,
Get out of bed,
And find joy in society.
Help me to forgive myself for what wouldn’t be.
Please, give me a glimpse of Thy plan for me.

In the next part of the song, I’m counting my blessings. I’ll share it when I’m finished.

This is my last night in Utah. I’m so glad we could visit, but I’m so ready to go home. The kids need their dad (and so do I).

I think I accomplished most things on my list. It’s a good thing I listed meeting other bloggers twice, because I did meet some great Utah mommy bloggers two separate times. They were gracious (or crazy?) enough to meet me and my children in a park in 100+ degree heat.

I don’t think my mom and sister are converted to blogism yet, but there is hope. I found out my mom is a lurker, so it’s a start. My sister has actually made a few entries on her MySp*ce blog.

The children seem to have my problem of not sleeping well when they aren’t at home. They are C-R-A-N-K-Y!

I didn’t hire the PI to keep tabs on dh–I trust him. Besides, my sister is there to keep tabs on him, and I can monitor his spending through the bank’s website, and I’ve called him at various times of day to check on him.

We have eaten pleanty of mayo to last til our next visit (actually, my mom uses Miracle Whip–same thing in my opinion). The first day, we had ham sandwiches with a light mayo layer and tonight, mom made her famous tuna-rice-mayo salad–yum!

The kids were awesome about going to their classes at G’ma and G’pa’s church. Bud seemed a little hesitant until he was introduced to his ultra-cool teacher who called him "dude". Ant made a friend in his class, and Cutie keeps talking about playing with playdough and eating cookies and singing songs in her class.

We adjusted the rewards system. I took the kids to see Cars instead of going to the amusement park in the heat; and the boys got Pokemon cards and Cutie got a Hello Kitty drawing board instead of books.

I was able to relax by avoiding cooking and sneaking out a few times by myself. The kids were able to relax and have fun in the wading pool Grandma had put on her patio for them.

Good times, now let’s go home.

Here’s a new feature from No Cool Story. Copy the following to my comments and fill in the blanks. Then copy the blank letter to your blog with your name after "Dear," and I will come and fill one out for you. If you don’t have a blog, why not? Get a free one from blogsome.com.

Dear ABC Momma, bandwagon jumper onner,
I _____ you.
You have a nice ______.
You make me _______. You should _______.
Someday I will ______.
You + me = ________. If I saw you now I’d __________.
I would build a _______ just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We could __________ under the stars.
Love, _______________
(P.S. ______________)

Soon to come in future posts: We’re having a great time in Utah. I got to meet one other mommy blogger IRL, so far.

 

Thirteen things I’ll do while visiting my parents in Utah this week:

1. Have a playgroup with other blogging moms in the Ogden/SLC area. (If you want to join us, e-mail me at abcmomma at gmail dot com.) 

2. Try to convert my mom and sister to blogism.

3.  Go to Lagoon–as a good behavior reward.

4. Become sleep-deprived since I have a hard time sleeping anyplace besides my own bed, and since I’ll probably have a kid tossing and turning beside me.

5. Hire a private investigator to make sure dh is behaving at home

6. Eat sandwiches with mayo since dh won’t be there to make gagging noises while we do it.

7. Hope the kids feel comfortable going to their classes at g’ma and g’pa’s church.

8. Not cook. Hee, hee.

9. Find a swimming pool, or buy a cheap wading pool since the temp will be HOT!

10. Maybe the grandparents can watch the kids while I run away, or take a nap, or go shopping, or get some frozen custard for myself, or whatever.

11. Go to the library or a book store–as a good-behavior reward.

12. Relax.

13. Have a playgroup with other blogging moms in the Ogden/SLC area. (If you want to join us, e-mail me at abcmomma at gmail dot com.

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!