Here’s something a little different, a little more personal. I had my heart broken one time. I dated this boy a few times before I left to be a missionary. He had recently returned from his mission and I was impressed by his spirituality (seriously) and his fine-ness. I was so excited when he began to write letters to me, and I let myself fall in love as I read between the lines. When I completed the mission, I was looking forward to our my future, only to find out that he had just started dating (two weeks prior) someone else. I thought they couldn’t be serious yet and proceeded with my plans of wooing him getting to know him better. We did go out several more times and I fell deeper in love (we hadn’t even kissed!), but I could tell his heart wasn’t mine. I let him go—they were engaged a month later—I was devastated. This experience affected me tremendously. I asked myself how could I be so stupid, how was I not good enough, what if this, and if only that. It took a very long time for me to get over the heartache. I wrote a partial song about it. I can’t believe how therapeutic it was to let those feelings leave my body and leap onto that paper. Since then, I have not looked back at the situation with any sort of longing or what-ifs, it’s now just an experience from which I have learned.

It was the first and last time my heart was broken.
He was so confused.
It was between me and her,
And he couldn’t choose.
Sting told me: If you love him, set him free,
He will come back to you if it was meant to be.
So I put it to the test,
And made a mess.
Oh, how my heart ached!
If only I held on to him,
Fought for him.

Oh, God, give me the strength to dry my tears,
Get out of bed,
And find joy in society.
Help me to forgive myself for what wouldn’t be.
Please, give me a glimpse of Thy plan for me.

In the next part of the song, I’m counting my blessings. I’ll share it when I’m finished.