Yesterday Ant hit his sister and blamed it on his brother. For some reason the hitting didn’t bug me as much as the LYING did. He was sent to his room as a consequence and proceeded to throw a screaming tantrum as he stomped up the stairs. I became very concerned as this behavior has been more prevalent for him lately. Usually, I react and add five or ten more minutes to his time out or ground him from playing Playstation, but yesterday I was blessed with the inspiration to do something different. Something I didn’t know I had the skills to do–psychotherapy.

After I took a few minutes to calm myself down, I went into his room and invited Ant to come sit by me and lay his head in my lap as I stroked my fingers through his hair and scratched his back. I told him I noticed hiis frustration, and asked him what I could do to help him be happy. After some thought, he said he wants an older brother.

What could an older brother do to make you happy? (Do some jobs.)

Do you feel overwhelmed, like you have too many jobs to do? (yes, besides his one daily job, I ask him to help me with a lot of other tasks to help out.)

[lightbulb] Oh. I guess I do. Maybe I do it because you always do a good job and I can count on you, but I should start asking your brother and sister [and your daddy] to help out more, huh. (Yeah)

I’ll do that. But what about the hitting. What makes you want to hit your brother & sister? (They bug him.)

How do they bug you? (They get in his face when he’s trying to concentrate on a show or a game and he gets so mad that he hits them, and then HE gets in trouble when THEY started it. They never get in trouble.)

Yes, I do usually see the end result when they scream because they’re hurt.  Is there something we can do so you can alert me to watch their behavior that’s making you angry? Something that isn’t tattling or whining, but something that will help me catch them "in the act" before you are angry enough to hit them? Maybe a code word like "stinky feet". You can just yell out "stinky feet" and I’ll come observe and help them stop their buggy behavior. What do you think? (How about "monkey tail".)

OK, "monkey tail" is the code word.  We will start using the code word plan, and I’ll train Bud and Cutie how to do extra tasks so they can help out like you have. Anything else you want to talk about? (Yeah…)

I’ll spare you the rest of our talk, but afterwards, Ant and I went back downstairs together and had a relatively peaceful evening with the rest of the family. He said "monkey tail" so I could see that Cutie was whining to get the ball he was holding (I encouraged her to find another toy that wasn’t being used).  I did ask Ant to help me wash the potatoes for dinner, but then Bud helped me make brownies, and dh cleaned up the dinner dishes.

I don’t know if this is the best solution to our little problems, but I think Ant felt like I was listening to him, and that I love him, and that he is a very important part of our family. But, he can keep wishing for an older brother–I wished for an older brother too (just so I could date his friends).